my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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