You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
