I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
