when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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