This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
