is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
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