Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
