I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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