If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
My dad is sitting where you rode me
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
