I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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