Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
