Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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