she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
