need another drink. this is the easiest way
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
No more Irish car bombs ever.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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