i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
