just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
