Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
