Tell her she can't have a vagina
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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