I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
