oh god the rape fog is back!
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
