I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
BRING THE BAGELS
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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