Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I am available for nakedness
Randomize
