tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
