yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
