shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
