i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
