i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
