ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
