literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
