I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
