i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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