Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
