I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
