I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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