You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
