you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
