This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
