i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
