I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
