PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
