i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
