i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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