i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
