Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
