I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
