Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
