hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
