We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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