You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I love you. Go after that dick
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
