i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
