Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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