Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
