i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
