I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
