these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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