Yo dont text me then not text me
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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