So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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