I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
