if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
