It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
This is classic penis vs brain.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
