Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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