Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
