i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize