nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
