Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
