you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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