sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize