Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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