WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Randomize
