____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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