I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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