i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
