Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Two words: blizzard sex
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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