real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
