I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize