I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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