I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
