drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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