I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
