Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
