they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
